Georgia: the land with everything – great food, good wine, amazing hospitality, spectacular mountains and scenery….but one thing that’s not so great about Georgia is its men.
Now, before all the guys get their panties in a twist, this is not a man-hating post, its not because I had my heart broken or think that ALL Georgian men are like this (even though experience tells me otherwise). I have met a couple of really cool Georgian guys.
This is looking at the situation of what Georgian men are like, the reasons of how I came to form this view and whether or not you should ever date one.
What’s it all about?
Firstly, what do Georgian men look like? It can be a mixed bag, but on a general basis dark hair, dark eyes, hairy, short, balding, and most come with a beard. Obviously its not everyone that looks like this, but its the predominate traits in Georgia. You can also find redheads, blonds, blue eyes, extremely tall, full head of hair and so forth. I think Georgians are generally attractive (before the remarks, I am not talking about the old Georgian men who’s bellys are so big you wonder if their skin can contain it).
Secondly, what do Georgian men think of girls? “You are so beautiful”. “I love you”. “You are mine”. “you are my star”. If you have low self esteem in what you look like, come to Georgia. It is the self esteem country for women’s beauty of the world. I have never gotten so many compliments in my life. Never been stared at so much when I walk the street. Never been given so much free stuff. For simply being a girl. Thanks to the biology lottery for these breasts and a uterus!
So basically, being a girl in Georgia, I think you can safely say that you have your pick of the litter here when it comes to having some fun or something more in Georgia.
So, a country with cute guys who find every woman beautiful (no matter what)….but the question is should you date a Georgian?
What can possibly be wrong with Georgian men?
I use Tinder in Georgia, hoping to – I don’t know, meet a nice guy to hang out with. Often I find myself going out with expats or tourists visiting Georgia than Georgians themselves. It’s the way they approach a conversation or how they attempt to pick up a girl. They just don’t know how to do it. After a quick “Hey”, it leads straight to, you are beautiful, let’s have sex or send me a sexy pic. Now of course, this happens all over the world with guys! It’s not exactly like Georgian guys invented this type of guy. It’s not uncommon at all for things, especially on Tinder, to escalate after only a couple of sentences to graphic sex comments. But there aren’t douchbags everywhere, it’s just Georgian men don’t know how to chat with a girl.
I actually don’t know a lot of Georgians that have girls as friends.
One of the most annoying traits here in Georgia, and something, especially newbie tourists coming need to be aware of, is that you can be “owned” by a guy here. Yeah, probably sounds completely ludicrous, but its really not. I bought you a drink, now you have sex with me. Ummm…that’s not how this works. I have given you a free car ride, I am going to grab your leg and have sex with you. Umm…that’s not how this works. We had sex once, now you are mine. Ummm..that’s not how this works. You are sitting on a park bench, it means I can come sit next to you and touch you. Umm…that’s not how this works.
I’m still trying to work out why Georgian men are so aggressive towards sex with women. Is it because they have to live at home until they marry. Going from one woman to the next and never having to take care of themselves i.e. mum to wife? Is it because generally in Georgia the women do most of the work? They cook, clean, bear and raise the kids, run the businesses and the list goes on. Do the men feel emasculated by this?
It’s curious. I’ve personally had several conversations with young Georgian men about trying to understand why when I hitchhike or general just speak with a Georgian man, I am inviting them into my underpants? 60% of the time I hitchhike, I have had advances made. Even when I have been dating a Georgian, their friends still have made inappropriate advances (so much for bros before hoes). I ask these young men, why? Just why? “Oh you wouldn’t understand, you’re not a Georgian woman”. Hmmm. Trying not to punch these people in the head. “What do you mean, I’m not a Georgian woman?” “Georgian girls aren’t easy. They are good girls” Yep, then the crazy comes out. “WTF do you mean. I am still a woman. I’m still a human being. Would you treat your mother, your sister? Your daughter with such disrespect?” It generally leads to absolutely no apologetic tone or any remorse for these kinds of thoughts. So if people don’t see the problem, how can they fix it?
Where it’s all gone wrong
How to describe some of my experiences – its best to give you a sense of what happens here. Randomly and without too much emotion. I was seeing a Georgian guy for a bit and while I was sleeping in his bed, I awoke to a hand caressing my breasts and heading further down. Thinking its the guy I’m seeing, that he wants to wake me up for some mid-evening delight, finishing drinking with his friends. However I turn around and discover its not him, but one of his friends. Pulling the hand immediately off me and giving a half-awake “WTF”, he gets up and leaves. I tell the guy I’m seeing and his response is “seriously….oh”. Without any apology or anything. Things finished after that.
Then seeing another Georgian and this time I was asleep in his bed again and rolled over to find his friend sitting on the edge of the bed. Just sitting, staring at me. I woke up terrified and screamed. He was like “oh oh” and left. I went out to find the guy I was seeing to alert him to the fact his friend was in the room. He was pretty drunk/high and was like “oh, I said he could have sex with you”. “WTF”, In the middle of the night, I was too scared t sleep and clearly no one was worried for my well being or safety or phased by what had happened in the slightest. Clearly I was a piece of meat available to be shared.
Another I was seeing in Mestia and this time, we were all drinking and enjoying ourselves and I was tired and wanted to sleep. He said his friend/uncle (whoever it was) will take me. So off we go in the car and I notice we are driving away from town. I say “back to Mestia”. At first just simple, but firm then we keep driving and he says “no problem” whilst stroking my shoulder or leg. I take his hands off me and say “Stop. Don’t touch me”. It gets to a point, he grabs underneath my legs and pulling me towards him. At this point, I get out of the moving car and slam the door shut, he drives off a bit and then stops the car and gets out, trying to talk to me. I scream “get the fuck away from me”, as loud as I can, tears are streaming down my face at this point from the adrenaline. The screaming works and he gets in the car and drives off. I’m outside Mestia, an hour walk, no houses, dark. I call the guy I’m seeing crying with what had happened and his response was “oh, really”. That’s it. I walk back to town and that was certainly over.
The next, I wasn’t even seeing anybody. By this point I was very much over going out with Georgians. It’s clear they don’t respect women. So I’m working in a bar in Mestia and of course I’m a novelty. A foreign single girl with tattoos. Many guys cooing over me. No interest at all and certainly not encouraging anything (as much as I can try to do without being rude). One evening, one Svan is telling me to join a tour he is running to Ushguli. I’m like “yes, of course”. We talk about equipment and time to meet in the morning. Everything. I’m semi-excited but hesitant that it will actually happen – this is Georgia, promises aren’t kept.
Eventually its almost 2am and to meet at 8am for a 4 day trip. I need to sleep. I say to meet at the bar, but he’s hesitant and wants to meet where I’m staying. I already have a feeling he’s going to hit on me. But I figure, its the shit you have to deal with when dealing with Georgian men. So start walking back and just before the house entrance he grabs and kisses me – more like licks my face as I was not wanting this at all. I’m like “no” “I don’t want” “stop”. But he keeps kissing me, grabbing my breast. My words fall on deaf Georgian ears. He says “shhh” – because people are sitting on the balcony around the corner and he doesn’t want them to hear. He pulls at my shirt, groping me everywhere. I get out of the side of the building and into the light near the balcony where there are people. He’s like “oh ok”. So of course having sex in the street is ok but as long as no one hears or sees it. Of course he didn’t come to pick me up in the morning – not like I would want to spend 4 days in that situation.
These are just a couple of the stories I have on file, meeting foreigners who have also experienced these things. Generally if you are a woman or women without men, your fair game. Hitching in Georgia, 60% of the time comes with some sexual advance.
Basically 10% (even less really) follow through on what the promise you. And mostly everything they do or give you is like a payment for sex. It’s annoying. Even using the old “I’m married”, they don’t care at all. Even if you are with a Georgian; they or their friends don’t care either (shouldn’t you care if someone – especially you are sleeping with – is uncomfortable or scared?). It’s actually kind of disgusting to have such disrespect for women. Maybe its the way I dress. The fact I’m single, I’m foreign, I have tattoos or just being born with a woman. Really these are not reasons for women to be treated this way. To be honest, Georgian men are on a strong “never again” list, but I’m willing to be proven wrong – maybe there one decent Georgian man out there (most likely they are already married)?
Can it be Fixed?
When I told many Georgians- whether it was women or men, about these continuous situations, it was met by men saying “It’s not all Georgians”. Or “I’m sorry” (from the genuinely nice ones). Whereas the women in Mestia would say “why not go to the police?”. I say why? The police do something about this? Their response were “you are Georgian woman”. I’m thinking that’s not a good thing. Maybe this is why the men are the way they are. The women just accept it.
In a small place like Mestia there would be only 2 outcomes from reporting such behaviour. 1. Be the victim. Everyone treats you as though you have small pox. You are fragile and now tainted forever. Or 2. You’re the whore. You know, because having tattoos or wearing tight jeans or simply being a woman means its your fault. “you were asking for it”. “You corrupted the good boys”. In a place this small; foreign or not, you can’t report this. It’s still the middle ages for women. In Tbilisi and other cities maybe some justice would be done – but to be honest I doubt it, as in the same in lots of countries, unless there’s violent physical assault like rape, not much can be done about it. Its met with a shrug of the shoulders and a reaction of “you’re ok, so what”.
Should you Date a Georgian?
It’s a shame to be honest. Georgian guys have so much potential. But instead it becomes a running joke about Georgian men amongst expats and those few Georgians that have some civility with the opposite sex. The instances of the sexual advances and assaults are increasing, or perhaps people are just getting sick of it happening.
I have hooked up with a few Georgians, attempted dating a couple, attempted some friendships. But I have to say, (and probably most expat girls living in Georgia also agree), you shouldn’t date a Georgian.
Does this stop me wanting to come back to Georgia or even Svaneti to buy land/house start a business? No, not at all. Just if I do decide to have a boyfriend, he won’t be Georgian. It’s an unequivocal no to Georgian men.
I’m curious to know if any Georgian women experience the same.
This blogpost was provided by Kyliestravel Blog